help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
