i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Randomize
