Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
