i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
