I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
