hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
