Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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