You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
How does it feel to date your dad?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
