That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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