Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
