i need an iv and a liver transplant
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
