so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
