The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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