remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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