Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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