i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
