my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
