is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
