So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
