hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
