guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Randomize
