my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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