I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
