I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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