I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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