Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
