it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
