Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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