Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
