3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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