i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
