So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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