wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
