we have officially lost it.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
