She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I love having hate sex.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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