he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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