I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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