No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
