mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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