I haven't been this sober since birth.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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