do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
