i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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