I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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