did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
