can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
