y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
