who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
