I want to stick my p in your. b.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
that may or may not have been my penis.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
