Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
