i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
True strength comes from lack of pants
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
