3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I can't turn off my feet"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
